Moving Forward After Giving an Alcoholic Husband a Contract

A Christian Counseling Perspective on Boundaries, Faith, and Parenting Through Uncertainty

When a woman takes the brave step of giving her alcoholic husband a contract—spelling out what must change for the family to heal—she often feels both relief and fear. Relief that the truth is finally spoken. Fear of what comes next.

This anxiety is normal. It’s the body’s response to courage. You’ve moved from living in survival mode to standing in truth. Even though this step honors God and protects your family, your nervous system may still feel shaky. You’ve entered a new emotional space—one that asks for patience, faith, and self-compassion.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” — Psalm 56:3

1. The Emotional Weight of Boundaries

It’s not easy to draw a line with someone you love. The contract isn’t about control—it’s about safety. Boundaries are a sacred expression of truth and dignity. They say: “This home will be a place where peace can grow.”

Alcoholism distorts reality; boundaries restore it. As Oswald Chambers wrote in My Utmost for His Highest, “The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else.” Setting boundaries is not rebellion—it’s reverence for what God has entrusted to you: your well-being, your children’s hearts, and the spiritual order of your home.

2. Understanding the Children’s Emotional Needs

Your children—ages four and ten—are experiencing this transition in very different ways. The younger child senses tension and disruption but cannot fully understand the cause. The older one perceives much more, often silently trying to make sense of confusing adult behavior.

For the Four-Year-Old:

• Keep routines steady. Predictability is grounding. Keep bedtime, meals, and morning routines consistent.

• Name feelings simply. Use language like, “Daddy is sick right now and getting help. It’s okay to feel sad or confused.”

• Offer physical reassurance. Hugs, gentle touch, and calm tone communicate safety more than words can.

• Play together. Young children express anxiety through play. Drawing, coloring, or using dolls and toys helps them process emotion safely.

For the Ten-Year-Old:

• Validate their awareness. This child knows more than you think. They may worry about everyone’s safety or feel responsible for the peace in the home. Say clearly: “It’s not your job to fix Daddy. That’s an adult problem.”

• Encourage emotional honesty. Invite them to share how they feel: “What’s been hard for you this week?” Then listen without rushing to fix it.

• Model faith under pressure. Let them see you pray, journal, or read Scripture. Children learn resilience not from seeing perfection, but from watching their parent lean on God in difficulty.

• Create small family rituals. Reading a Psalm at night, lighting a candle, or praying for peace together builds security.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6

3. Your Presence Is the Safe Place

Your children don’t need a perfect mother—they need a grounded one. When you feel anxious, your calm presence becomes their anchor. It’s okay to admit when you’re sad or tired; what matters is that you stay emotionally present.

You might pray aloud:

“Lord, help me carry peace into this home. Let my children feel Your love through my tone, my patience, and my steadiness.”

Children heal through relationship. When they see that love remains steady, even when circumstances are not, they begin to believe that God’s love is steady too.

4. Helping the Family Move Forward

After giving the contract, focus on creating emotional stability rather than trying to control your husband’s reaction. Let him choose his path. You are choosing yours—a path of faith, wisdom, and emotional integrity.

Ways to move forward:

• Continue counseling and prayer support.

• Keep communication with your children honest but age-appropriate.

• Encourage healthy coping for them: journaling, art, music, sports, nature.

• Maintain boundaries without apology. The contract is an act of love, not rejection.

• Rest when possible. Exhaustion breeds fear; peace grows from rest.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” — Isaiah 26:3

5. Surrendering Outcomes to God

You cannot make your husband choose sobriety—but you can choose peace. You can decide that your home will be a place of truth, not chaos; grace, not secrecy.

As A.W. Tozer wrote in The Pursuit of God, “Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.” Keep your gaze steady. God sees the entire picture. You are not walking this path alone.

Reflection Questions

1. What fears surface as you think about the future?

2. How can you model emotional honesty and hope for your children this week?

3. Which Scriptures bring you strength when anxiety rises?

Prayer

“Father, steady my heart when fear whispers. Give me strength to stand firm in love, clarity to lead my children with peace, and faith to trust You with outcomes I cannot control. Let Your presence fill our home with safety, truth, and grace. Amen.”