When You Freeze Around the Guys You Like: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Dating with Courage and Grace

Christi Young
Aug 10
4 min read

You’re at a gathering, enjoying conversation, and then he walks in—the man you’ve quietly noticed for weeks. Suddenly, your words stumble, your mind races, and your voice sounds like it belongs to a nervous teenager. You want to connect, but instead you’re mentally rehearsing every word and second-guessing yourself before you’ve even spoken.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many Christian women in their 30s feel pressure when dating—especially if marriage is a deep desire. But the good news is, God hasn’t called you to perform for someone’s approval. He’s invited you to rest in who He’s made you to be.

1. Shift the Goal: From Impressing to Connecting

Often, we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to “make a great impression,” forgetting that healthy relationships are built on authenticity, not performance. Instead of thinking, How can I make him like me? try, How can I get to know him as a person?

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” — 1 Samuel 16:7

When you release the need to be “perfect,” you create space for genuine connection.

2. Practice Being Present in Low-Pressure Settings

You don’t need to wait until you’re standing in front of your crush to work on your comfort level. Engage in small talk with acquaintances, baristas, or co-workers. This helps you build confidence in relaxed conversations so you’re not “warming up” in the moment that matters most.

3. Let Go of the Timeline Pressure

In your 30s, it’s easy to feel like the clock is ticking. This can cause every interaction with a potential partner to feel high-stakes. But when you remember that God’s timing is perfect, the pressure eases. Your role is to walk faithfully and show up as your real self—God will handle the rest.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Be Awkward

When you really like someone, it’s natural to want to present your best self. But that desire can quickly turn into pressure to be flawless—never stumble over words, always have something witty to say, and never let there be a “weird” pause.

The problem? Trying to be flawless often makes us more self-conscious, not less. And it robs the other person of seeing the real, unpolished you—the one who might giggle at her own jokes, ask an unexpected question, or pause to find the right words.

Awkward moments aren’t the enemy of connection—they’re often the starting point. Think about Ruth meeting Boaz. She didn’t sweep into the field with a rehearsed speech or perfectly timed smile. She was simply herself—humble, authentic, and willing to speak honestly. And that sincerity is what caught Boaz’s attention.

Or consider Isaac and Rebekah. Their meeting involved a servant, a camel, and a jug of water—not exactly candlelight and roses. There was no dramatic love-at-first-sight script, just small acts of kindness and willingness to engage. Sometimes God writes the most beautiful stories through simple, unscripted beginnings.

Even in modern times, how many great love stories start with a clumsy hello, an interrupted conversation, or a mismatched sense of humor? More than we think. A shared laugh over a fumbled word can break the ice better than the most carefully rehearsed line.

From a faith perspective, awkwardness can actually be a gift. It reminds you that you’re human, not a performance machine. It keeps you humble and open. And humility is deeply attractive—because it signals authenticity.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” — 2 Corinthians 12:9

When you allow yourself to be awkward, you give God room to work through your imperfections. If a man is genuinely worth your time, he’ll be drawn to the way you own your humanness instead of hiding it.

Practical tip: The next time you feel yourself stumbling in conversation, take a breath and smile. You can even acknowledge it lightly—“Wow, I just completely lost my train of thought”—and keep going. This signals confidence in your imperfection and invites the other person to relax, too.

5. Anchor Your Worth in Christ, Not His Response

The biggest fear behind “I can’t talk around cute guys” is often the fear of rejection. But in Christ, you are already fully loved, fully accepted, and fully known. His opinion of you is unchanging, no matter how any conversation goes.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” — Psalm 139:14

Simple Conversation Starters for When You Freeze

“How do you know the host?”
“I noticed you mentioned hiking—what’s your favorite trail?”
“Have you read any good books lately?”
“I’m looking for new coffee spots—do you have a favorite?”

Reflection Questions

What pressure am I putting on myself when talking to men I’m attracted to?
How can I practice low-pressure conversation this week?
What Scriptures help me remember my worth when I feel insecure?

Final Encouragement

You don’t need to be the wittiest, most confident woman in the room for the right man to notice you. God is fully capable of bringing two people together in His perfect time. Show up as yourself, rooted in Him, and let the conversation unfold naturally.