Who Am I When the Person I Love Is Not Grounded? & Art Therapy

There are seasons in marriage when love feels steady and mutual—and seasons when it feels confusing, volatile, or frightening. When a spouse is experiencing delusions, paranoia, or distorted thinking, conflict often escalates quickly. Words twist. Motives are questioned. Reality itself can feel contested.

In these moments, the greatest danger is not simply the conflict—it is the quiet erosion of self. Over time, you may begin to wonder who you are, what is true, or whether calm itself is somehow wrong.

Scripture reminds us that peace is not weakness, and clarity is not cruelty.

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33)

When someone you love is not grounded in reality, you are not called to enter confusion with them in order to prove love. You are called to remain rooted in truth.

When Conflict Is Fueled by Fear, Not Facts

Delusions and high-conflict behavior are often driven by fear—fear of loss, fear of betrayal, fear of abandonment. Fear speaks loudly and convincingly. But fear does not get to define you.

Jesus Himself did not argue with every false accusation. He did not explain Himself to every distorted perception. At times, He remained silent—not because He lacked truth, but because truth does not require constant defense.

“When He was accused… He did not open His mouth.” (Isaiah 53:7)

There is a holy difference between engaging wisely and over-functioning emotionally. You are allowed to step back, slow down, and refuse to absorb what does not belong to you.

Identity Is Not Determined in Chaos

High-conflict situations pressure us to react, explain, fix, or prove. But Scripture consistently invites us to abide rather than scramble.

Your identity is not:

• The accusations spoken over you

• The emotional intensity of another person

• The version of you someone imagines in fear

Your identity is secure because it is received, not negotiated.

“You are God’s workmanship.” (Ephesians 2:10)

This is why reflective practices—like the accompanying art exercise—matter. They help you visually and emotionally separate what is being projected from who you actually are. They slow the nervous system and create space for God’s truth to speak more clearly than chaos.

Calm Is a Spiritual Strength

Remaining calm in the presence of instability is not passivity. It is discernment. It is stewardship of your mind, heart, and body.

“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason.” (James 3:17)

You do not have to convince someone who is not able to reason in that moment. You are not required to surrender your clarity in order to keep the peace. Sometimes the most Christlike response is grounded presence paired with firm internal boundaries.

Journaling Reflection

When conflict or distorted thinking is happening around me, what helps me remember who I am in Christ—and what I am not responsible to carry?

Art Exercise: “Who Am I Right Now?”

(When Someone Close to Me Is Not Grounded)

Purpose:To separate your identity from your spouse’s emotional state, accusations, or altered perceptions—and to reconnect with what is true, stable, and intact about you.

Materials

• Blank paper or sketchbook

• Markers, colored pencils, or crayons

• Optional: ruler or circular object

Step 1: Create Two Spaces

Divide the page down the middle or draw two overlapping circles.

• Label the left side / first circle:“What Is Being Projected Onto Me”

• Label the right side / second circle:“Who I Actually Am”

This visual boundary matters. You are practicing psychological separation, not confrontation.

Step 2: Externalize the Chaos (Left Side)

Using symbols, colors, or shapes—not full sentences—express what has been placed onto you.

Examples:

• Jagged lines = accusation

• Dark clouds = confusion

• Arrows pointing inward = blame

• Static or scribbles = noise, distortion

You may write a few short phrases if helpful:

• “Not true”

• “Not mine”

• “Fear talking”

• “Distortion”

⚠️ Do not analyze or correct the delusions here.This side is about containment, not engagement.

Step 3: Reclaim Reality (Right Side)

Now focus only on what remains true about you, even in chaos.

Use calmer shapes, steadier lines, or grounded imagery:

• Roots

• A house

• A steady flame

• A shoreline

• A figure standing upright

You may add words or phrases such as:

• “I am grounded”

• “I know what is real”

• “I am allowed to pause”

• “I am not required to convince”

• “I am safe to be calm”

Let this side feel slower than the first.

Step 4: Anchor Statement (Write Below the Page)

Complete this sentence in your own words:

“Even while this is happening, I am still…”

Examples:

• “…a person with clarity.”

• “…allowed to protect my peace.”

• “…not defined by someone else’s fear.”

• “…held by God.”

Step 5: Gentle Closing

Place your hand over the right side of the page.Take one slow breath in and out.

Quietly say (or read):

“I do not need to resolve what is not rational in order to remain whole.”

Why This Exercise Helps

• It reduces enmeshment during high-conflict or psychotic episodes

• It restores self-definition when reality feels challenged

• It prevents emotional over-functioning

• It strengthens internal boundaries without escalation

This is not denial. This is self-preservation with wisdom.